She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
