Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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