I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
