youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
