D3 body, D1 cock
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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