we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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