If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
