I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no you cant smoke seaweed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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