Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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