So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
