why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
