either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
