the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
