she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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