sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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