I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
