I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
