In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
