i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
