Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
