He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
