I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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