he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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