tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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