she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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