the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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