I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
