Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
