He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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