I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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