so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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