piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
