Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
