Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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