I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
