Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
