There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
