Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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