you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
