Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
