You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need moral support for this bender
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
