I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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