I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
