No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
