i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
