tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
