I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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