He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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