speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
