I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
