I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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