so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
