And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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