So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
