Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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