Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My cat gives me a boner
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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