but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
