I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dick very happy bro
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
