I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
