Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
