You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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