So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
