We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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