I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to sanitize my soul.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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