i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Randomize
