he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
