so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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