with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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