my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
