So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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