I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
